When we set off to define the core principles (which turned into the Four Pillars) of MCRSD, one of the very first things we knew would be true was that we would not suspend students. We made that decision because of the tons of research and studies that prove suspension doesn't change behavior and contributes to the drop-out and disconnection rates, which is what we are working to fix.

Were you ever suspended from school? I doubt many people reading this were, because most people interested and involved in the education profession were good at school. But not yours truly!

Although I was never actually out of school suspended, I was in-school suspended for... wait for it... kissing my boyfriend on the playground in middle school. That's right; I said, boyfriend. Keep your comments to yourself!

A group of us would go to the far end of the playground, where the ground swooped down, next to a giant tree, out of sight from the playground supervisor, and pucker up.

We would have continued our torrid smooch-a-rama if it weren't for being ratted out by The Love Narc. (Just an extra bit of info, that snitch was then and is still today one of my closest friends.) The little sacred squealer told Iris, the playground supervisor, about our clandestine make-out club, and the gig was up. My naughty comrades and I found ourselves in-school suspended for a week where we were supposed to reflect on our horrific, lustful choices. However, we used that time to brainstorm how to outsmart Iris and find new places to get our freak on!

This story may be used as an example of how isolation or exclusion without intervention as a form of behavior management is pretty ineffective. But it is also an example of how people react when they are not included in a group. The tattler was our friend, and she was upset that she was excluded. Not from the kissing stuff, as she was not ready for that yet (turns out either was I), but from being part of the group. That feeling of exclusion made her turn on us.

Scientists have identified that the feeling of belonging is a psychological imperative. The authors of When You Wonder, You're Learning discuss several studies that prove this. They quote Dr. Vivek Murthy, a former Surgeon General saying, " Human relationship is as essential to our well-being as food and water." When we feel excluded, we can react in many unhealthy ways. Feelings of disconnection are a leading cause of death by suicide, drug addiction, and alcoholism.

Studies on the brains of people feeling excluded have found that the same part of the brain that regulates physical pain (anterior cingulate cortex) is activated when people feel isolated or left out.

"Loneliness and exclusion, researchers say, inflict more than sad feelings- they influence our decisions, diminish our cognitive capabilities, and keep us from thriving in very conceivable way." (p.179)

So if this is true, why do we have so many educational practices that promote isolation? Rows of desks, desk-top cardboard dividers, loss of opportunities to connect like recess, detention, suspension, and expulsion. We know kids can't learn when they feel excluded, but still, these practices persist in most schools in the country.

I'll tell you why. It's easier on the adults. When I was teaching, the days my most challenging kids were suspended were easier on me. I didn't have to differentiate, moderate, or manage as much. Letting kids who are unregulated (or hormonally charged kissers) on the playground means adults have to be beside them, coaching and guiding rather than hanging out and kicking back. (I mean, come on, Iris, one quick stroll around the playground, and you would have discovered our secret immediately and saved us all from this trauma!) Rows of desks and dividers mean less opportunities for kids to act up when the lesson is not so interesting.

I think this topic is especially relevant in juvenile detention, where the entire system is set up to keep kids isolated and in control. Often (not always), inclusion and connection with peers are discouraged. In those cases, the connection has to come from the adults in meaningful and creative ways. And I've seen it happen. We have some fantastic connectors in detention! As we do at all of our schools.

But this issue is beyond our little corner of the education world. It is a systemic issue that is ripe for transformation. Whether you work here or beyond, keep pushing back on what we have always done with exclusion and push forward on changing the system to value inclusion. Because the more connected a kid feels, the more they will learn from us.

Oh, and think twice before making out on a playground. Trust me.

Leadership and Learning