The animated sitcom Bob's Burgers plays on a near continuous loop on my daughter's bedroom TV. She is obsessed. (I wonder if it's a therapeutic reminder to her that there are families slightly more chaotic and dysfunctional than ours!)

Her room is across the hall from mine, and I often hear the quips and puns blaring through her closed door. Such was the case the other day when I was in my room reading some Teacher-Powered literature to prepare for my conference presentation in November. I could hear the hilarious scene where a group of kids is in a conflict resolution class at school, learning to solve their differences.

Coincidentally, I was reading through my teacher-powered progress monitoring notes about confrontation and conflict resolution (Storming Stage).

I took it as a sign from God (or at least a sign from the Fox Broadcasting Company and Hulu) that getting lax on getting good at conflict is risky. Over and over in the literature, the teacher-powered folks warn of the dangers of avoiding conflict. They talk about how it is a team killer and potential program-ender.

So since I don't think we should necessarily take all of our professional advice from animated television characters, I turned to my Harvard Business Review subscription and found the following tips for dealing with conflict.

Understand that your perspective is limited. It's not realistic to expect everyone to agree with you all the time. When differences arise, ask yourself questions like: What if I'm wrong? How would I change my behavior? What assumptions have I made?
View the conflict as a problem to be solved together. Understand what outcome you're aiming for. Do you want to get a project over the finish line? Build a healthy working relationship that will last into the future? Feel less angry or frustrated after your interactions? Decide on your goals before interacting with your colleague, and keep your eyes on the prize.
Avoid venting and gossip. Choose whom you talk to (and what you share) carefully. Look for people who are constructive, have your best interests at heart, will challenge your perspective when they disagree, and can be discreet.
Experiment to find what works. Start by coming up with two or three methods you want to test out. For example, if you want to improve communications with a grumpy colleague, decide that for two weeks you're going to ignore their tone and focus on the substance of their messages. Often small actions can have a big impact.

This tip is adapted from "How to Navigate Conflict with a Coworker," by Amy Gallo and directly copied from the HBR Management Tip of the day. Which you can sign up for if you subscribe to HBR. End of plug.

But if you reject advice from well-researched publications and seasoned professionals, here is the conflict resolution scene featuring the ABS Method from Bob's Burgers.

Whichever you choose, keep working on getting good at confronting conflict. It can be the difference between professional success and getting (metaphorically) punched in the face. Again, and again, and again! Seriously, watch the clip!

Leadership and Learning